THE REQUISITE RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are everything. Most people hear the word relationship and picture two people—a friend, significant other, etc. It's not often that we zoom out and think of the more general, all encompassing concept of relationships: the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected.

I wrote a piece a while back about what I call the requisite routines. In this I discuss that there are five requisite routines for life as I see it:

1. Sleep
2. Food
3. Exercise
4. Leisure
5. Career

I've always put 'relationships' as a subcomponent within leisure and career. Why? Because you have personal relationships and professional relationships. Sometimes they mix, but even when they do, they're two different styles of relationship. Can you spot my flaw here? I'm looking at relationships through the narrow lens of only those with other people. The reason this is flawed thinking is because of the true nature of relationships—they're all encompassing. We have relationships with everything. I am not going to go back and edit my writing about the requisite routines as that will erase my previous outlook on the topic. It's a reference point that will show (after I explain this new way of looking at things) the growth in my thinking. That's why I like writing things down.

So, everything that exists, has a relationship in some way shape or form with something else. It's now 'the requisite relationships (+ routines)' 

1. Sleep
2. Food
3. Exercise
4. Leisure
5. Career
6. People + animals

Okay, animals? Yes. People often times love their animals more than people. You can't blame them. People are much more complicated. So, think of this as relationship with _________ i.e. sleep, food, exercise, etc. You must have a relationship with these things, and a positive relationship at that (or at least strive to). One that moves you towards the top of your value hierarchy (which is something I plan to discuss more soon). All of these things contribute to our physical and mental well being, some just more mental and some more physical. Just like a relationship with an individual, if you don't foster it or put any effort into it, it's not going to last.

To be able to make these relationships healthy, we need to start with the most fundamental: the relationship with the self. If you don't have a good relationship with yourself then it will be almost impossible to have a good grip on these items. We don't spend enough time with ourselves. We're terrified of being alone. As Blaise Pascal said in his Pensees: 

"I have discovered that all the unhappiness of men arises from one single fact, that they cannot stay quietly in their own chamber." 

With social media we don't need to be alone ever. This is creating major problems as it's a band-aid that doesn't solve the root issue: people being uncomfortable with who they are (or avoiding it all together) and the external stressors they have in their life. A bad relationship with yourself is inescapable. When is the last time you sat in a quiet room for at least 10 mins just thinking? Not laying down trying to sleep, not trying to meditate, no goal, just literally sitting uninterrupted for 10 minutes in a completely quiet room, no phone, no nothing? Most won't be able to recall a time ever.

It's weird that it almost seems crazy. If somebody told you about their day and was like, "I woke up, had my coffee, read a book, got dressed, sat still in silence for 10 minutes, went to work" etc. the person would be like, "wait, you did what for 10 min?" You could consider it meditating if you'd like, but even then meditating puts an activity into the mix because there's often breathe work, specific focus placed on certain streams of consciousness, and other items. But let's get back to the requisite relationships and routines.

So, it's not about the routines, it's about your ability to build relationships with these routines of life that first require one's learning to build a relationship with one's self regardless of their current status. Accepting who you are requires knowing who you are. Once you know and accept who you are, you can begin to build a relationship with that individual knowing very well that you will change and grow with the various experiences of life.

Building a relationship with these requisite routines will also allow you to shift your focus to stay productive. Most people get consumed by one component of their lives and let the others fall by the way side. Or, some will be so focused on one component that when they achieve what it was they were after, they feel lost. This often happens during periods of large change i.e. graduating school, landing the job you've been after, getting into a relationship with the person you've been pursuing, winning that competition you were training for, etc. On the flip side, if we have everything in one routine and it gets taken, we fall apart. Getting fired from your career, separating with your significant other, etc. We put life on hold for many things—it's important to strike a balance. Understanding all of these routines/relationships will allow you to shift your focus periodically based on what it is you're doing in life. Many people find themselves with too much time on their hands not knowing what to do. Start with these and ask yourself which of my relationships needs some attention. Getting these in order will make you feel motivated to continue growing and allow you to shift your focus (for all my ADHD people) and maintain wholistic productivity.

Just remember, it all starts with the pursuit of knowing one's self. It's a never ending journey that requires a significant amount of time, effort, and patience. When asked to sum up what all philosophical commandments could be reduced to, Socrates replied: ‘Know yourself.’

Now go build some relationships.

~ Bonde